fallen angel

Sad Story

2006-09-25T02:12:00.000+08:00

Something wasn’t right. That’s what my mind has been shouting after seeing it. It wasn’t the usual me who’s poking my nose into my parent’s business but I just find it strange, totally strange. Is it really a man’s nature to be so patient, I mean way too patient to his girl? Gees, I really don’t know but you can tell me and you may respond by all means.

Living in such uncivilized, or let me put it in another way as too secluded area like our little place called Alaska, you will surely see some terrific or I may say tremendous scene that you don’t wanna miss (well if you are into seeing bruises and bloods) like riot which is everywhere, gangster bullying, a group of youth picking up some fights to the neighborhood, a kids mom shouting with the other mom and so on. Well yes that’s the accustomed (daily) life in squatter’s area.

Alright, the thing is infidelity is a trend in there too. But the one who’s involved to this issue now is a man who is very dear to me, my dad. But it wasn’t the common “cheating” like the man found some other pretty face and that, it wasn’t him who’s into that but my mom. Yes it was her. He was furious of course after hearing it and when he confronts her she obviously denies it. And the hurting part is history. We all did forget the pain, I guess.

They go on in an “on and off relationship”. They fought yesterday and they’re okay now, that’s the routine. Then one day she didn’t come home after a fight from my dad. Gees where could she be, (the bitch)? Well my super dad of course knows where to find her. He speeded up to that place to fetch her and even gone down on his knees to ask her to come home. How sweet! Well he successfully brought her to OUR home and lives with us with lies.

Then we’ve witnessed such unacceptable agreement that my dad and mom have. We came home from school and hear her yelling at my dad. She said she loves the guy and she loves us too, well that’s her cry when we overhear it. But still she wants too leave us and be free. We’re dumbfounded and hurt but my father’s plea broke our heart. He says he loves her so much and the kids. And that he can’t allow her to leave us.

And he was silent. Then we hear him saying the most stupid arrangement I have ever knew. That if she really wants to see her lover, he will allow them to be together in a schedule basis. She can be with us today and to her lover tomorrow and so on. Hearing that makes me want to jump and clap my hands for joy, well not because of his “brilliant idea” but because of his love. Who the hell can do that except my father? Then it was settled. She’s with us today and tomorrow with him is another sad story.

nightmare at the lower-left bed

2006-08-21T17:56:00.000+08:00

I dont know why it happens all the time.

As a customer service rep for a US based outsourcing company, my shift starts at 3 A.M. in the morning until 12 noon. So to avoid late logging in Ive decided to report in the office earlier. I usually arrived at 8 or 9 P.M. and took a sleep in the nap room. There are 2 double-decks in there and often times I occupy the lower-left bed with Sam, my office mate and buddy in the nap room.

Before I learned to sleep in that room, Ive heard some stories of some ghosts and stuff there from my co-rep. They said that theres a little girl in there and that sometimes they hear footsteps in the room. Hearing stuff like that wasnt unusual to me. Of course Im scared with it but come to think of it, every buildings or houses were built with such stories of ghosts and spirits right? So I didnt really mind it at all, really.

Well, not until Ive experienced it too. That wasnt the typical night that I barge in to the nap room and throw myself to that bed. I was so exhausted and wet from the rain. It felt so cold in the room, and I thought Manong Guard just switches on the air conditioner. So I pull out my blanket and close my eyes.

Then I just open my eyes and found out that Im not in the offices nap room but somewhere else. Im lying in some what like a bamboo-made bed and Im in a distinctive and typical house. Everything that surrounds me werent familiar like the curtains, the rooms structures, everything. Then the door open and spew out a lady and she smiled at me. We had some little conversations but apparently I cant remember anything about it.

Then I walk out from the room with her and saw a guy in the living room which I know that I knew him, I just cant figure it out. So we talked. Then the lady who fetched me in the room told me to tell him to go home. But I insist not to.

Then for just a blink of an eye the lady transforms into a monster (I think thats funny too). She has a red and bulging eye and the veins in her face looks like it will gonna to blow up. She looks scary. Me and that guy jump out to that house and run as fast as we could. Were like running to that thick corn fields. She was still chasing us until she caught me. I shout out and close my eyes and walk up in the offices nap room.

It was a bad dream, a nightmare. I looked around and found out that Sam is with me already. So I got up and took out my bottled water. After a little refreshing Ive decided to sleep again since that was too early for me to wake up. I grab again my pillow and blanket and sleep again.

Then I woke up on that house again but now Im in a garden. I was talking to that guy Im with on my first dream. Were talking, then that lady appeared again and asks me to send the guy home. She was so furious when I said no. She then transform again and chased us in the corn field. She got me and I woke up again.

It happens again after I force myself to go to sleep. It happens four times in a row on that night I sleep on that room and so as the next day. After the third day of four to five nightmares in a row, I quit staying to that lower-left bed.

And they said that that part too is where they often see the girl and that every time they sleep on that bed they end up having a very bad nightmare.

Silly Me

2006-07-22T01:18:00.000+08:00

Im drunk. Sober. Stressed. Pretty. Cranky. Old.

I dont know what is happening to me these past few days. I felt so unwell, sick and tired of everything. Im having this feeling of lonesome to things Im not aware of. Everything around me seems so dull, well except to the fact that Im in love with Sandy of course.

I have this paranoia of death that I dont know where it came from, fear of being alone though I know Im not, obsession of gaining the world that I know I couldnt possibly hold and apprehension to things that I dont understand.

What is wrong with me?

Am I really acting the way I should be? Or am I just being paranoid?

Whoa…

Nay…

Guess Im just silly since birth!

Boy you bet!!!

Family PictureBy Gary Rosberg

2006-06-29T19:51:00.000+08:00

I was sitting in my favorite chair, studying for the final stages of my doctoral degree, when Sarah announced herself in my presence with a question: "Daddy, do you want to see my family picture?"
"Sarah, Daddy's busy. Come back in a little while, Honey."
Good move, right? I was busy. A week's worth of work to squeeze into a weekend. You've been there.
Ten minutes later she swept back into the living room.
"Daddy, let me show you my picture."
The heat went up around my collar. "Sarah," I said, "come back later. This is important." Three minutes later she stormed into the living room, got three inches from my nose and barked with all the power a five-year-old could muster: "Do you want to see it or don't you?" The assertive woman in training.
"No," I told her, "I don't."
With that, she zoomed out of the room and left me alone. And somehow, being alone at that moment wasn't as satisfying as I thought it would be. I felt like a jerk. (Don't agree so loudly.) I went to the front door.
"Sarah," I called, "could you come back inside a minute, please? Daddy would like to see your picture." She obliged with no recriminations and popped up on my lap.
It was a great picture. She'd even given it a title. Across the top, in her best printing, she had inscribed: "OUR FAMILY BEST."
"Tell me about it," I said.
"Here is Mommy [a stick figure with long, yellow, curly hair], here is me standing by Mommy [with a smiley face], here is our dog Katie, and here is Missy [her little sister was a stick figure lying in the street in front of the house, about three times bigger than anyone else]." It was a pretty good insight into how she saw our family.
"I love your picture, Honey," I told her. "I'll hang it on the dining room wall, and each night when I come home from work and from class (which was usually around 10:00 p.m.), I'm going to look at it."
She took me at my word, beamed ear to ear and went outside to play. I went back to my books. But for some reason I kept reading the same paragraph over and over.
Something was making me uneasy.
Something about Sarah's picture.
Something was missing.
I went to the front door. "Sarah," I called, "could you come back inside a minute, please? I want to look at your picture again, Honey."
Sarah crawled back into my lap. I can close my eyes right now and see the way she looked. Cheeks rosy from playing outside. Pigtails, Strawberry Shortcake tennis shoes. A Cabbage Patch doll named Nellie tucked limply under her arm.
I asked my little girl a question, but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer.
"Honey . . . there's Mommy, and Sarah, and Missy. Katie the dog is in the picture, and the sun, and the house, and squirrels and birdies. But Sarah . . . where is your daddy?"
"You're at the library," she said.
With that simple statement, my little princess stopped time for me. Lifting her gently off my lap, I sent her back to play in the spring sunshine. I slumped back in my chair with a swirling head and blood pumping furiously through my heart. Even as I type these words into the computer, I can feel those sensations all over again. It was a frightening moment. The fog lifted from my preoccupied brain for a moment - and suddenly I could see. But what I saw scared me to death. It was like being in a ship and coming out of the fog in time to see a huge, sharp rock knifing through the surf just off the port bow.
Sarah's simple pronouncement - "You're at the library" - got my attention big-time.
I hung the drawing on the dining room wall, just as I promised my girl. And through those long, intense weeks preceding the oral defense of my dissertation, I stared at that revealing portrait. It happened every night in the silence of my sleeping home, as I consumed my late-night, warmed-over dinners. I didn't have the guts to bring the issue up to Barbara. And she had the incredible insight to let it rest until I had the courage to deal with it. I finally finished my degree program. I was "Dr. Rosberg" now, and I guess should have been a big deal for me. But frankly, there wasn't much joy in my life.
One night after graduation, Barbara and I were lying in bed together and I found myself working up the nerve to ask her a few questions. It was late, it was dark, and as I murmured my first question, I was praying Barbara had already fallen asleep.
"Barb, are you sleeping?" "No," she said. Rats! I thought to myself. Now I'm committed.
"Barbara, you've obviously seen Sarah's picture taped on the dining room wall. Why haven't you said anything?" "Because I know how much it wounded you, Gary." Words from a woman wise beyond her twenty-something years. At that point, I asked the toughest question I've ever asked anyone in my life.
"Barb . . . I want to come home. Can I do it?"
Twenty seconds of silence followed. It seemed like I held my breath for an hour. "Gary," Barb said carefully, "the girls and I love you very much. We want you home. But you haven't been here. I've felt like a single parent for years."
The words look cold in print, but she said them with restraint and tenderness. It was just plain, unvarnished truth. My little girl had drawn the picture, and now her mom was speaking the words. My life had been out of control, my family was on automatic pilot, and I had a long road ahead of me if I wanted to win them back. & nbsp; But I had to win them back. Now that the fog had lifted, it suddenly became the most important thing in my life.

love letter

2006-05-08T10:57:00.000+08:00

February 14, 2006

Dear Sandy,

If only just every person will take a few moments to look back over their life they might come to recall one single moment that have changed them completely, an event that wobbled them to their heart and changed the course of their life. One special moment when they realized that there was so much more than living in this life, a moment where everything was beyond compare just like a lovely sunset youve first shared or warm rainy days together. With such time that one special person has opened up the world for you and gives you just the exact importance of your existence.

And now as I look back to that never-to-forget moment it gives me the biggest smile that I can have. And youre that person Sandy. You made me realized that life was indeed so beautiful and owes an appreciation instead of endless excuses from me. You have thought me what love is. And that love was indeed the fragrance that fills our heart with warmth and compassion. And it was through you that my life has been filled with a dream which is living a life loving you.

Do you know when was the best time in my life is? Its not the day that I knew you or the day that weve bumped to each other. Its the day that you lead your eyes to me that make me feel beautiful. Funny right? I thought so. But you know what; I have never known someone who makes me feel beautiful, someone so well and so loving like you. And I hold dear every moment that we spent together just like the crazy games we play (bato-bato pik, truth or consequence, batohan, hulaan etc.); munching at Chowking, KFC, Jollibee, Dunkin, Inihaw, Tapsilogan ng (Tapsilog, Hotsilog, Squidballsilog, Bolonasilog, Calamasilog etc.); the endless movies; strolls and sessions. Yah it has been recorded and been dearly held in my heart. And I LOVE YOU so much for that.

I THANK YOU so much Sandy for coming into my life. Youve changed my world completely. Youve thought me the true meaning of contentment and true happiness. Selfless love. Time management. Showy when it comes to my feelings. Don�t quit. Be happy. And I am not ALONE.

Officially were 1 year and 1 month and 19 days today. And that gives us a 520 days together (well included the 10 or 20+ days that were not together) or a 12,480 hours together (well included the other hours that you and I were at school or at work). And you know what; I dont even regret a single second that Ive spent with you. I LOVE YOU so much Sandy and only God know how.

To us right now, I�m pretty much sure that we will get over and endure any ups and down that we will get into because I know that our love that has been tested by time will bond us much stronger.

I LOVE YOU very much.

And for all those lovely memories that you have shared with me and for the future moments that we will share with so much love, joy and respect, I THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU so much po. Happy Valentines Day!

Forever loving you,

Manang Joan

an oops experience

2006-02-09T11:54:00.000+08:00

I was so frantic that day because my friends haven’t arrived yet at our meeting place. Then my eye got a glimpse of this guy that I thought one of my friends, so I gather my things and decided to give him a little hint that I’m around.

I think I lost all the blood in my face when he turn around and give me an odd look (maybe thinking why on earth this girl just hit him).

OMG, I just give him a quick smile and stutter as I continue to apologize….while doing my little exit…

Hehehe…

love and Time

2006-02-08T15:38:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.

Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.

When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?"Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity, please help me!""I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you.""Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"

Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you." It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way.

Realizing how much was owed the elder, Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who Helped me?""It was Time," Knowledge answered."Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is."

A Mother's Day

2006-02-08T15:33:00.000+08:00

A man stopped at a flower shop to order some flowers to be wired to his mother who lived two hundred miles away. As he got out of his car he noticed a young girl sitting on the curb sobbing.He asked her what was wrong and she replied, "I wanted to buy a red rose for my mother.But I only have seventy-five cents, and a rose costs two dollars." The man smiled and said, "Come on in with me. I'll buy you a rose."He bought the little girl her rose and ordered his own mother's flowers. As they were leaving he offered the girl a ride home. She said, "Yes, please! You can take me to my mother." She directed him to a cemetery, where she placed the rose on a freshly dug grave.The man returned to the flower shop, canceled the wire order, picked up a bouquet and drove the two hundred miles to his mother's house.

The Parable Of The Pencil

2006-02-08T15:28:00.000+08:00

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box. "There are 5 things you need to know," he told the pencil, "Before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be."

"One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand."

"Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil."

"Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make."

"Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside."

"And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write."

The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart.

Now replacing the place of the pencil with you. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.

One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.

Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various problems in life, but you'll need it to become a stronger person.

Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

Four: The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside.

And Five: On every surface you walk through, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to do your duties.

Allow this parable of the pencil to encourage you to know that you are a special person and only you can fulfill the purpose to which you were born to accomplish.

Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot make a change.

A Wooden Bowl

2006-02-08T15:21:00.000+08:00

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and a four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together nightly at the dinner table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating rather difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass often milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about grandfather," said the son. I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor. So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner at the dinner table. Since grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. Sometimes when the family glanced in grandfather's direction, he had a tear in his eye as he ate alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and mama to eat your food from when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled. Children are remarkably perceptive. Their eyes ever observe, their ears ever listen, and their minds ever process the messages they absorb. If they see us patiently provide a happy home atmosphere for family members, they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives. The wise parent realizes that every day that building blocks are being laid for the child's future.

Let us all be wise builders and role models. Take care of yourself, ... and those you love, ... today, and everyday!

Rose Within Us

2006-02-08T15:20:00.000+08:00

A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully and before it blossomed, he examined it.
He saw the bud that would soon blossom, but noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought, "How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns? Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and just before it was ready to bloom... it died.

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like qualities planted in us at birth, grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects.

We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.

Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns of another, and find the rose within them.

This is one of the characteristic of love... to look at a person, know their true faults and accepting that person into your life... all the while recognizing the nobility in their soul. Help others to realize they can overcome their faults. If we show them the "rose" within themselves, they will conquer their thorns. Only then will they blossom many times over.

check this out!!!

2006-01-01T07:50:00.000+08:00

http://www.friendster.com/profiles/jhoanneh

if you have some time pls do visit my site in friendster....

hehehehe

backing me up

2005-12-25T14:52:00.000+08:00

Im used of getting everything because someone had back me up, shameful but true. It was so easy then for me like a job well paid; recommendations without any hesitations etc. name it. And as we all know getting something without a sweat wont usually matter to us that much right? We tend to let it go so easily without even thinking twice and so did I. Every opportunity that I have let go was a real big regret now to me. My job, my scholarship, everything!

So everything was gone. Now Im not in school. Dont have a job. No place to go. No one to turn to but I was wrong. I forgot the one whos always been here beside me the reason who is behind of what I am now, the power that strengthens me, the will that drives me to continue and the love that keeps me in shape.

Yes this guy beside me helps me more than anyone did. He drive out the shy me, the weak me, the inferior me and the dependent me. Now Im proud to say that I am a new me. Some fears were still there but still Im aiming to get through with it.

Thank you so much Sandy. I owe you a lot. My job now which I may say youre the one whos behind why I am here now (he doesnt know the owner of the company okay or the CEO there) but he back me up to face the interview, the final interview and the very stressful training. He backs me up morally and spiritually.

Now he is my inspiration every time I felt so down at the office because of an irate customer or a bragging team leaders and managers. Never once that a word QUIT barge-in in my mind because I know he work with me all the time. Lifting me and dreaming with me.

sad letter from a babygirl

2005-11-19T02:24:00.000+08:00

Dear Mommy,

I am in Heaven now, sitting on Jesus' lap.
He loves me and cries with me; for my heart has been broken.
I so wanted to be your little girl. I don't quite understand what has happened.
I was so excited when I began realizing my existence.
I was in a dark, yet comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes.
I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings.
I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping.
Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me.
Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry.
I heard Daddy yelling back.
I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon.
I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day.
I hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy.
That same day, the most horrible thing happened.
A very mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in.
I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me.
Maybe you never heard me.
The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming,
"Mommy, Mommy, help me please; Mommy, help me."
Complete terror is all I felt.
I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn't anymore.
Then the monster started ripping my arms off.
It hurt so bad; the pain I can never explain.
It didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop.
I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off.
Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying.
I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.
I wanted to make all your tears go away.
I had so many plans to make you happy.
Now I couldn't; all my dreams were shattered.
Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all.
I wanted more than anything to be your daughter.
No use now, for I was dying a painful death.
I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to you.
I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand.
And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead.
I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place.
I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.
The angel took me to Jesus and set me on His lap.
He said He loved me, and He was my Father. Then I was happy. I asked Him what the thing was that killed me. He answered, "Abortion.
I am sorry, my child; for I know how it feels."
I don't know what abortion is;
I guess that's the name of the monster.
I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl.
I tried very hard to live.
I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too powerful.
It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live.
I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you.
I didn't want to die.
Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster.
Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did.

Please be careful.

Love,
Your Baby Girl

I've Realized

2005-11-07T17:35:00.000+08:00

At this point of time, I've discovered something in me.

As I was lying sleepless in my bed, the clock is tickling in my ears; it seems like a gentle touch that carries me to my deepest slumber. But then a phrase just popped-up in my head, shouting at me, "You're so alone now! There's no one who will be there for you! No one Joan!" so I jumped off from my bed and cleared my mind.

So then I've realized as I have stared the four-cornered of my room that I'm staying. "Yes, I'm totally alone."

It broke my heart apparently realizing such painful certainty.

In the midst of my self-pity and depression (kuno), something within me triggers my heart and mind. It awakens me from my unconsciousness. It shows me the essence of all these heartaches and pain.

It seems talking to me saying, "Do you know the quintessence of failure, hurt and being alone? It is the product that we become. Through this you've learned to dream and stand!"

"Wow!" was the only word that I have been able to utter after that recognition.

Well, I maybe alone but through this it makes me independent and strong one in this game called LIFE.

it hurts

2005-10-15T18:53:00.000+08:00

What is more painful than receiving an email from someone you didn't know and telling you that she is your boyfriend's girlfriend too? None right? Just this afternoon, when I got up from bed, I've decided to check my friendster account, it says 1 new message. A certain "gurl" send me a message that says, "please email me

Message: hi!! gud day!! ask ko lang kung boyfrend mo ba si

"boy"?? just wanna know the truth ksi b4 i ask

him cno ka he just said na the two of you were

good friends.. but i'm not satisfied with his answer..

i broke up with him last august pro d pa din clear

yung lahat so sau na lang ako makakakuha ng

malinaw na sagot!! please do email me back

please!! sobrang naguluhan ako kay "boy". kung

kau nga well be sure that he's honest with you!

now i don't consider na naging kami nga kasi mas

una ka nmn kesa sa akin!! i don't know bakit nya

ginawa yon sa akin to think na barkada nmn sya

since high school!!! please email mo ko ha!! guto

ko lang maging malinaw ung lahat.. thanx in

advance!!!!

With an impulse, I've decided to respond her email. Then the rest is history. We've decided to chat in YM (Yahoo Messenger) to clarify everything. It was so hurting.

A Wishful Thing

2005-10-02T03:01:00.000+08:00

Ever since I was a child all I can think of is how did my parents raise a children of five without complaining how naughty and worthless we are. Mom does the household twenty-four hours a day without hearing a single word from her. Dad does the work outside twenty-five hours a day (well only if he could), without a whine when he arrives. Instead, he rang his horn enthusiastically to inform us that he is home with of course with some gifts for us like a can of candies or a box of chocolates. As he enters the front door, he will spread his arm widely and ready to give us a big hug, a father�s love. Then my mom will come out from the kitchen, wipe her wet hands with her dirty apron and offers her check for a quick kiss. She will then get his things and asks how was his day outside with a very sweet smile, a wife�s love.

Mom will then fix the table for a simple and a mouth-watering dinner and she will always make sure that we are all together before settling to her chair, a mother�s love. We will then share a wonderful evening with endless chat of anything that happens the whole day. My elder brother would tell us his escapades with his friends. The second will tell her nonstop story of how did school goes along with her. The third one will then interrupt and tell everyone that what happen to her that day was so fun and exciting. The fourth boy then will laugh at her and tease her of their boring days because he thought that what did happen to him that day was much more stirring. Then everybody stops for a moment and give a stare to the youngest, waiting for her story. She will then give a confuse look to them and ask �why?� then the rest of the family will burst in laughter because just her innocent gaze is worth a great story.

It was then a great love in each of the family that filled the whole dining room. I can hear their laugh, echoing in my ears. I can hear their footsteps as they chasing each other and calling mom and dad for help. Then mom and dad will utter a sweet and but demanding word to stop then and settle to their chair. What a very happy and perfect family it was. Then I have realized that my mind has gone so far to dream for a perfect family I am dreaming to have. Well, I hope it was about my family that I am writing now.

Reminiscing

2005-10-02T02:55:00.000+08:00

Heavy rains keep falling outside my windowsill. It seems like the sky is in deep pain and it cannot control its eyes from bursting in tears. I can hear the sound of the rain just on top of my head, strong and so intense. It is most likely my habit to reminisce things, especially during this kind of the day. The deep drop of the rain has transported me to the days were I wished would last forever.

I grew up in an average type of family, wherein my dad work as a cub driver and mom stays at home attending their five little kids. At an early age of seven, my mom has taught me so many household chores, since I am the eldest girl of the five. My elder brother do the hard one like fetching water while I do the rest like cooking (rice), washing the plates, do some cleaning at home, sometimes assists my mom in washing the clothes and if my elder brother were not in the mood, he will drag me too in fetching a galloon of water. It was hard really thinking that it seems poverty is forever.

I can even remember how we consume a pack of noodles and a can of sardines for a lunch (well most of the time we don�t eat our breakfast) for the whole family. Sometimes my parents will just let us eat their part. Well that is if we have some food in the table, but there were even times that, we do not really have any food to eat. Rice and water will keep us full for the whole day. Sometimes rice with a pinch of rock salt will satisfy us. There were even times that we do not even have a rice to cook, so we will just sleep and forget the howling of our stomach in pain.

I can even still remember those days that we are asking some left over food to our neighbor, who is unfortunately my dad�s aunt, but she is too cruel to us. She often refused to give us, sometimes she will hand us some but with a tail of criticism about our family. We just take it all wholeheartedly.

Nevertheless, that was also some of the best memories I have with my family. Emptied stomach but we are all together and still we can manage to laugh at night. That was the old days. It was gone now. But I would rather hang on the part of our lives where we are together than now.

JUST AN ADVICE

2005-10-02T02:52:00.000+08:00

Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger.

Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break.

Believe the best rather than the worst.

People have a way of living up or down to your opinion of them.

Remember that true friendship is the basis of any lasting relationship. The person you choose (to marry) is deserving of the courtesies and kindnesses you bestow on your friends.

Please hand this down to your children and your children�s children. The more things change the more they are the same.

Every Time I Say I Love You

2005-04-29T21:53:00.000+08:00

I'm really trying to say
so much more than just those three little words;
I'm trying to express so many
wonderful feelings about you.
I'm trying to say that you mean more to me
than anyone else in the world
I'm trying to let you know that I adore you
and that I cherish the time we spend together.
I'm trying to explain that
I want you and that I need you
and that I get lost in woderful thoughts
every time I think about you.
And each time I whisper "I love you,"
I'm trying to remind you
that you're the nicest thing
that has ever happened to me.

I Am So In Love With You

2005-04-29T21:43:00.000+08:00

No one ever touched my life this. No one in all the seasons of sweetness and sadness and everything in between. No one ever came so close to being the coming true if this gentle and wonderful dream. No one else knew the way to all the warmth within my heart, and yet... you just seem to naturally know not only how to go there, but how much I want you to stay. I am in love with you because you make me sing and dance and smile and celebrate and hope... and believe. I love you because no one ever did what you do... It would bring me more joy than I can say if you would never forget ~not even for a single day~ how wonderful you are... in my eyes and in my heart. I'm so often at a loss to find the words to tell you how much you mean to me. In my imagination, I compare you with things like the sunshine in my mornings, the most beautiful flowers in the fields, and the happiness I feel on the best days of all. You're like the answer to a special prayer. And I think God knew that my world needed someone exactly like you. I love you ery much Sandy...

relationship eto

2005-04-29T13:22:00.000+08:00

Getting over a relationship is an experience most
of us have to go through at some point in life.
These are the steps as follows:

1. Allow yourself to grieve over the loss.
Grieving includes going through feelings such as
sadness, anger, shock and acceptance.

2. Take any pressure or expectations off
yourself to get over it quickly. Depending on the
length of the relationship or how important it was
to you, you may need weeks, months or longer to
get over it.

3. Take care of yourself. Get adequate rest,
eat right and get some exercise.

4. Nurture yourself. Give yourself
permission to relax, take it easy, and do whatever
makes you feel better - such as taking walks,
baths or naps; listening to music; reading; or
watching movies.

5. Plan pleasurable activities with friends
or family ahead of time (especially on weekends)
to keep you busy and get your mind off the loss.

6. Consider joining a support group to be
with others dealing with similar feelings. Ask
your doctor for a referral.

7. Talk to your doctor about possibly taking
medication if you're having trouble sleeping, or
if you're experiencing anxiety or depression. Or
discuss the options of herbal supplements such as
St. John's wort (for depression) or kava kava (for
anxiety).

8. Get a journal and write down what you have
learned from the relationship about yourself,
relationships and life.

Tips: If the relationship was very
significant for you, you may never get over it in
the sense of having no residual feelings about it.
Over time, the feelings will become less intense
and you will be able to think about the
relationship without it being so painful.

Sperm Education

2005-04-29T13:20:00.000+08:00

Sperm Education - A new twist on an old joke

The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in
conception from the instructor.

"As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel
and swim in a straight line until you get to the
entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the
cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the
egg.

Address it and say, "I'm a Sperm." She will
answer, I'm the Egg." From that moment on you
will work together to create the embryo. Do you
understand?"

The sperm nodded affirmatively and the instructor
said, "Then, good luck!"

Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he
hears the siren. He wakes up immediately and
runs to the tunnel.

A multitude of sperm swim behind him. He knows
he has to arrive first. When he nears the entrance
to the cavern, he looks back and sees that he is
far ahead of the other sperm.

He is able to swim at a slower pace but does
approach
the red, sticky ball.

When, at last, he reaches the red, sticky ball, he
smiles and says, "Hi, I'm a sperm."

The red sticky ball smiles and says, "Hi. I'm a
tonsil."

Little Nancy

2005-04-29T13:18:00.000+08:00

Little Nancy was in the garder filling a
hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster
was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up
to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died," replied by
Nancy tearfully, without looking up," and I've just
burried him.

" The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully
big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then
replied, "That's because he's inside your f@#king
cat."

very touching story

2005-04-26T12:05:00.000+08:00

A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been kept for 15 years.As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money but he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he is in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen", this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in prison, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your
neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't
complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. "I love you"

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay and found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. "I love you too"

happy birthday MJ

2005-04-26T09:51:00.000+08:00

that cute girl with me is my cousin Marjory dela Cruz...

she is celebrating her 19th birthday today but

unluckily she can't spend it with us since

she is in Quezon Province doing some

important stuff...

happy birthday gurl!

hope to see you soon before i'm

gonna fly for Cebu City...

miss yah already...

one of my new uploaded pix

2005-04-25T16:26:00.000+08:00

hi there!

if you have some time you can pay

a visit to my photo site:

http://photobucket.com/albums/y193/jhoanneh/
visitor's password: nining

Photobucket

2005-04-25T15:37:00.000+08:00

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

silent tears of my heart

2005-04-24T23:38:00.000+08:00

Just now Im with Sandy, still enjoying our limited times together. He arrived so late this afternoon but its okay with me as long as he made it. I dont know what is wrong with me but I really feel so sad this afternoon and he even noticed the sadness in me. Just the other day while we are talking, I told him that I have a weird feeling that I’m going to die soon, he just give me a keen look and told me not to mention such topic again especially when we are together.

So then, this afternoon this bizarre feeling really envelops me, Im not even in the mood to talk to him, I merely laugh to his corny jokes and I think Im going to cry. He often asks me if I am alright and what is wrong with me. He even asks me what is bothering me. I just told him nothing and that Im very fine.

But deep inside me, my heart is crying in pain. I have now realized why I felt that way, why I thought Im going to die soon. It is the thought of not being with him is killing me and it was too hurting. I want to open this up to him but I just cant.

As I lay down in bed, with him at my side, telling me how much he loves me makes me sobbed in silence. It was so painful. While he is asleep, I cant help it but cry because deep within me I know that those beautiful days with him will going to end soon. I love him so much to the point that Id rather die than live life in the absence of his love.

Is It Too Much To Ask?

2005-04-24T01:35:00.000+08:00

I am still counting the days left for the two of us. I am planning to make the remaining days to be perfect with him. Maybe adding more time for our little chats, enduring the time that we are still together. I am not blind, I can feel how much he tries to make things out, how much he tries to give me his full time whenever he is free, though I know how pressured he is now in his upcoming board exam.

It is 1:20 am now, I can’t sleep, and Sandy is here with me. Yes, we are together and I really appreciate it. Nevertheless, it would be a lot better if he is awake and we can talk longer, isn’t? I am watching him now sleeping in my bed, not knowing what I really feel now. Sadness lures me. I wish I could tell him how much I hate it every time he fell asleep while we are talking. I know he is tired from the review center and the pressure at school but I cannot help it. If only I could stop him every time he yawns and slowly fell asleep in my lap. I often try to wake him up, though not really trying hard.

So, is it too much to ask him to spend more time with me? I mean more time talking with me than sleeping the whole time that we are together. Well, I don’t think so! Sometimes it makes me cry knowing our limited time will be over and it would be very painful especially knowing that some time were wasted because of sleeping.

Photobucket

2005-04-23T10:22:00.000+08:00

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

A Problem Is A Compliment From God

2005-04-22T18:43:00.000+08:00

It was said by the elders that just before our mother conceive us God has already planned what would be our life is in this world. God has planned every detail of it, who will be our parents, who will be our brothers and sisters, where to grow up, who will be our friends, and that every problem we stumbled into was part of it. Moreover, that pain is part of His plans, for us to be strong. Therefore, God must have planned it too who will be the person who will gonna to hurt us.

What struck me most is the reality that God is up there, watching me. So why can’t He hear me pleading for His help? Why can’t He help me with my sickness? Why can’t He take this pain away? Everyday I’m blaming God for everything, charging Him for ignoring me and accusing for not loving me. I was then very upset to Him because I thought that He doesn’t love me at all and that He plays deaf when it comes to me.

I often talked to Him though a part of me believe that He wasn’t listening at all, telling Him how I feel, letting Him feel the grief I feel inside. I told Him that I always pray for Him and that I didn’t fail to remember Him once in a while. I pray to Him everyday for graces, health and happiness but why does when it comes to me it’s hard for Him to hear me?

So then, I stop talking to Him, not writing stuff in my diary. I stop questioning Him of my endless why. I just leave it that way. And thought of why wasting my time talking to a God that I’m not even sure that it really exists anyway.

It was one boring afternoon, I was dusting my bookshelves and a book caught my attention, a part of me recognize that it was a bible, but then a part of me is curious of what shall I gonna find in there. So I pick up the bible take a quick look and presto! My eyes landed on a passage that says, “12Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you. 13But rejoice, in as much as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.”

So then, I fell in the floor and sat for a couple of minutes trying to pull myself up to the reality that I have realized. I sobbed and cried for so long, shameful for what I have said and done to Him. After reflecting, I have decided to talk to Him again and ask for forgiveness. And that I was just being so blinded by the tests that He gives me. And I am so sorry for being so insensitive and for the uncertainty to His love to me.

God never fails to watch us. He never sleeps. He always make sure that everything He gives us is just enough for us and that he won’t give us a burden we solve and if He entrusts us a very big problem, we must be pleased and thank Him, that God believes that we can solve it. So instead of blaming God, we must take that problem as a compliment from Him… Isn’t much nicer?

packing my things and ready to fly

2005-04-22T12:23:00.000+08:00

The balik bayan boxes Im going to use has arrive, it came from the Donn, ill use it for my stuff like my books, magazines and for my pc...
Packing my things wasnt hard really but the thought of living Makati and go home was really hard for me especially knowing im going to left my heart here. People may think I’m exaggerating and that I’m just feeling it now but later im going to forget this feeling and i'll live normally in Cebu City...but I don’t think so. I love him that much...and I dont know what will happen to us, to our relationship after this long distance relationship.
It will gonna be a stiff life for me...I am go to work there... communicate Sandy through phone and chat. I dont if it will going to work for us...but we will try...well maybe...if fate wont interfere and she'll go along with us. Life is so damn unfair.

piece of my heart

2005-04-21T23:45:00.000+08:00

I thought all along that life would be better now...now that i've finally met the other part of me, and that is Sandy. But i dont know why it should be like this, why we need to be apart. Everything seems to be perfect, well i think all lovers think that way every time they're together, but i was wrong. Fate interfered.
We had a very nice time together, we talked a lot, talking of endless nonsense chit-chat. He sings for me eventhough he doesn't really know the lyrics and end up mumbling the song. He makes me laugh with his corny jokes. We dream together and plan our future. It was really perfect.
Then, a problem came...and i have to bid goodbye. It wasn't that easy, it took me a lot of nights crying over it. But it didn't help me at all. So i have to accept it and go with it. Sandy promises me to get me as soon as he will pass his board exam (well im sure he will passed since he is so smart) and got a stable job. Shameful, but im hoping he won't forget his promise. He asks me to wait for him in Cebu for at least two years for him to be stable and we'll soon get married. I do hope so.
It's already April 21 and this weekend will be hardest thing i'll gonna do in my entire life. Step on the airplane and watch my heart turn into pieces as i lay my eyes to my love i will left behind.

Shocking news Michael Jackson death 18 to 20 years ago

2005-04-21T09:30:00.000+08:00

SANTA BARBARA, CA-During a search for evidence at the Neverland Valley Ranch, investigators discovered a corpse that has been identified as that of Michael Jackson, Santa Barbara police officials announced Tuesday.
"Coroners have officially pronounced Michael Jackson dead. From what we can tell, he died between 18 and 20 years ago," forensic investigator Tim Holbrooke said. "We are not certain, at this time, who-or what-has been standing trial in that Santa Maria courthouse."

According to Holbrooke, Jackson's corpse was buried just inches below a stretch of the miniature-train tracks that run throughout Neverland. The largely desiccated corpse wore the remains of a red, zipper-covered leather jacket and a single glove.

"We positively identified the body as Jackson by his dental records and DNA," Holbrooke said. "But even before we conducted a single forensic test, we began to suspect that that we'd uncovered the real Michael, and that the disturbing figure claiming to be Jackson was a fake."

Holbrooke said that, although the corpse was in an advanced stage of decomposition, when investigators compared the body to early-career publicity photos of Jackson, they saw a striking resemblance in bone structure and facial features. But when they compared the body to photos taken after 1987, the resemblance was negligible.

"This discovery raises a lot of questions, but it also sheds light on a number of disturbing incidents," Holbrooke said. "Frankly, Jackson had been acting pretty strange."

Forensic experts and music critics are postulating that Jackson was dead before the release of the multi-platinum album Bad. Detectives are currently analyzing the lyrics to "Man In The Mirror" for any clues relating to a look-alike entity that many suspect murdered the youngest member of the Jackson 5 and assumed his identity.

"We believe that Neverland served as some sort of freakishly whimsical tomb constructed by Jackson's killer," Holbrooke said. "We also suspect that all of the iniquities that occurred on that ranch were the work of the imposter. I wouldn't have ever thought it possible, but we are looking at a situation where the sexual abuse of a 13-year-old cancer patient is the tip of the iceberg."

Holbrooke said that, while the living Jackson is the leading suspect in the murder investigation, he "could be another victim of some sort."

"Basically, we have no idea what type of creature we are dealing with," Holbrooke said.

A member of the investigative team that discovered Jackson's body described the experience as "otherworldly."

"As we neared the perimeter of Neverland, the dogs started whining and howling like crazy," Santa Barbara County detective Frank Poeller said. "We had to pull them into the house. When we got to Jackson's bedroom, one of them almost choked himself to death on his leash trying to get out through the window. Minutes later, the same dog led us to the corpse."

A representative from Jackson's self-created label, MJJ Productions, said he was not surprised to find out that the current Jackson is an imposter.

"When we were recording 'Heal The World' for Dangerous, I could tell something was terribly, terribly wrong," MJJ manager Luke Allard said. "Michael didn't seem like himself anymore. He'd demand bizarre food and sit for hours in a hyperbaric chamber. His appearance began to become more and more peculiar. Soon afterwards, he started wearing a mask and confiding in a chimpanzee."

"I remember thinking, 'This man has become a monster,'" Allard said. "If only I'd known how right I was."

Allard said he thinks that the imposter broke ties with Jackson's former friends and surrounded himself with children who were too young to notice the radical change.

Vanity Fair reporter Beth Pither visited Neverland in 1994.

"A strangely fearful staff member led me to Jackson, but ran off before I opened the door," Pither said. "Standing there with my hand on an ice-cold doorknob, I heard strange, unnatural sounds-leathery wings flapping, a sorrowful wail, and loud hissing. A wave of dread passed through me as I opened the door, but all I found was Michael and some kids in pajamas eating ice cream and watching 101 Dalmatians."

While their claims have not been corroborated, other Neverland visitors have reported that when when Jackson entered a room, lights flickered, faucets ran blood-red, and screams escaped from the walls.

To aid in the investigation, the FBI enlisted Dr. Richard Weingarden, a noted expert on the paranormal from UC Santa Barbara. After only two hours, Weingarden abandoned the project.

"The smell of sulfur, the decaying facial features, the bizarrely high-pitched voice-it sounds exactly like..." Weingarden said, trailing off. "I'm sure it's nothing. Not a big deal. Nothing to be terrified about, certainly. I have to go. I've got a family."

Thomas Sneddon, the prosecutor in Jackson's child-molestation lawsuit, said it remains to be seen how the shocking discovery will affect the trial.

Megan Gustafson, who left her post as president of the Akron, OH Michael Jackson Fan Club after the singer was accused of molestation, offered a positive view of the grisly revelation.

"This is very disturbing news," Gustafson said. "But to be honest, it's kind of a relief too. Thriller and Off The Wall are really amazing records. Now I can pull them out of my 'ruined by child abuse' storage bin and start listening to them again."

it's me

2005-04-21T09:17:00.000+08:00

getting my figure back in shape...haven't make it for so long
jOAm

i love you sandy

2005-04-01T00:16:00.000+08:00

Well here I am again sitting comfortably in front of my computer and got nothing to do but type some words that i really don't know. I have been mumbling all this time since I haven’t go to sleep since last night. My head is spinning and cant get over of this dizziness. dah! I badly need some sleep really. This damn insomnia is troubling me again. Well im haven’t used to it since it hasn’t visited me for a long time now. Well what should I expect? Its vacation time, it sure bores me up. I really want to take some vacation, maybe a week stay in Cebu with my family or just a weekend camp somewhere south. Chilling up with Sandy! Why not? hehehehe...oh god its already 12:10 in the afternoon and I’m still very much awake...what should I do? While making this note, I am texting with sandy, I miss him though we are together yesterday...honestly I really want to see him more often. This guys really is something, you know what I mean right? Well, he’s always in my mind, yah literally always! Oh, god I might be so pathetic! But I love him very much.
Well things change now...